THE CAT DID IT!

After a protracted absence from this, my sorry blog (place the blame, if you will, on a serious case of “blogger’s block”), I thought it high time that I write something, ANYTHING, to prevent my brain from atrophying further. So, before my brain shrinks to the size of a walnut and rattles around in my head, I present … “something”!

I had initially planned this blog to be an intellectual treatise on the stupidity of weight loss products that really don’t do anything (i.e., “carb blockers” and/or other pills that allegedly cause weight loss without your ever changing either your diet, or getting your sorry fat butt off the couch!?!) I say if these things actually WORKED, everyone would be skinny, right? So to hell with that topic! In my present cynical state, I simply propose the prodigious use of duct tape over the mouth, thus preventing the introduction of any food into the oral orifice – thus cutting down on the amount of food consumed – ergo, less caloric intake and, finally, TA DA!! WEIGHT LOSS! It’s cheap, effective, and costs a hell of a lot less than either lap band surgery or any of those overly expensive, highly touted weight loss products!!

So, enough about that and on to a NEW topic, namely, the accidental, unintentional sending of incomplete, idiotic and/or un-essential “shite” e-mail or Twitter tweets caused by careless placement of an object [usually one’s own finger] on the mouse – also known as “THE CAT DID IT!”

No one wants to feel like a complete idiot following the inadvertent sending of some type of garbled mess so why not place the blame on a hapless, loyal PET who can’t possibly defend either himself or herself (or, if the truth be told, who could really give a shit) which, in my case is THE CAT! Therefore, if I’ve sent you a stupid e-mail or tweeted a garbled and/or incomplete tweet, sorry, but THE CAT DID IT! I wasn’t even in the room, much less near the computer and yes, he CAN, in fact, type really well … okay, reasonably well… okay, not at all and I’M really to blame! (Are you HAPPY now?!!! Jeez… )

NOTE: Use of duct tape on THE CAT is neither condoned nor recommended. Your cooperation will be appreciated. Yours sincerely, “THE CAT”